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In another life
Or perhaps in a parallel universe
I would be gathering 50 plastic pink flamingoes
Or posting your baby picture
On telephone poles
All over town
I might be buying black arm bands
For the party
And black crepe paper
To stretch across your yard
And around the tombstone we would plant in your yard
The party would be planned
The black cake ordered
And, oh, the gifts
For months we would have been looking
For those “special” gifts
The ones like Porcelana
To hide the age spots
And Grecian Formula
To cover up all that grey
Of course, there would be an application
To join AARP
And perhaps retirement information
From Social Security
The laughter would be building
It would be so hard to hold it in
We would hardly be able to wait
Until tomorrow
For your fiftieth birthday party
My brother
My only brother
But in this world, in this life
It is not that way
How can this be
We lost so many years together
Forty-three to be exact
Mother never forgot
She kept it to herself most of the time
But she never forgot
Once before Memorial Day
We went to buy flowers
For all the family graves
And as we looked and tried to choose
She turned to me with eyes overflowing
And said “What kind of flowers do you buy
For a seven year old boy?”
She never forgot
Though she seldom talked about it
Not long before she died
Mother said the old saying
That time heals all wounds was a lie
Because every time she thought of you
And that terrible night
It was like it just happened the day before
With me the years seem to make it worse
Maybe because so many others have gone
Leaving me more and more alone
All the grandparents
Then Pop
Then Mother
Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends
Less and less of the past
To hold on to
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
What I’d give to have a birthday hug
Or to see what the years have done
To see the lines in your face
The grey in your hair
Oh, the years we lost
I never knew how much I would miss you
And miss all the things
We would have shared
I miss you
And I miss all the others
That have left me behind

MFM
It will never be Home – Margate, FL
June 13, 2001
~6:43 PM