Quotes

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.The courage to change the things I can.And the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off-

"Magic Johnson did not practice safe sex, and we made him a hero. Pee Wee Herman practiced safe sex and we threw him in jail."

--Anonymous editorial Shreveport Times

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

It is better to know useless, trivial things than to know nothing at all.

"In the beginning there was nothing..then even *that* exploded!"

The bonds of matrimony are so heavy it takes two to carry them; sometimes three.

Dumas

Red meat isn't bad for you. Furry, blue-green meat is bad for you.

Atheists cannot claim to be a religion until they advance far enough to burn heretics.

...I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

-Stephen F Roberts

Once, while walking past one of the teamsters in the alley, he walked over to a snail on the pavement and stomped on it. I asked "Why did you do that?" He said "That damn thing has been following me all day."

I thank God we live in a country where we have the right to burn the flag. And I thank God we live in a country where we have the right to keep and bear arms--so I can shoot the son of a bitch that tries to burn mine.

Johnny Cash

After he had been brought home several times nearly after nearly drowning in
the the Mississippi, Mark Twain's mother was asked why she didn't keep him
away from the river. She replied "Someone born to hang is safe on water."

I started out with nothing. I still have most of it left.

--------Tripp

As Tim Berra puts it, evolution exists *because* of the facts, while creationism exists *in spite of* the facts.

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." T-shirt saying

"It's been lovely, but I have to scream now." Bumper Sticker

"Get your Tongue Out of My Mouth, Im Kissing You Good-Bye" book title

"The world is full of nice boring men. The crazy ones are hard to find and
harder to keep, but it's worth it." Molly in "Native Tongue" by Carl Hiaasen

"If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down,
kill it." T-shit saying