NEW DEFINITIONS

The following definitions are from the Washington Post Style

Invitational (a weekly contest for readers). The idea of this one is simply

to redefine words from the dictionary - no added or changed letters.

Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly - adj., impotent.

Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent mindedly

answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are

run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the

priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's

prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude - n, the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a

proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked

around by the mayor.

Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish

expressions.

Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

AND..

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any

word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one

letter, and supply a new definition.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really

bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a

serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Doppeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when

they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts

until you realize it was your money to start with.